Vampyre, Witch, and Mother…Not Necessarily in That Order

22 Oct
Property of DarkRose Productions
Copyright 2013
By DarkRose, 1998

The following is the Introduction to my life story that I was “commissioned” to co-write with author Ian Grey (at the time, he had just published: Inside the American Movie Industry: Sex, Stupidity, and Greed, published by Juno Books). I’m a little fuzzy on what actually happened, but the book was never written, obviously. This is the second rough draft, some of you will probably recognize it as a condensed, slightly rewritten version of my DarkRose Journal magazine article, ‘The Dark’ from issue 4, 1996.


Vampyre, Witch, and Mother:
Not Necessarily In That Order


It was dark…
So very, very, dark:
And it was warm…
So, very, very, warm:
An envelope of warmth.
And the only sound
was the distant, comforting murmur
of the Great Being.

It was, in other words, a perfect place.

This is how I feel about the less traveled path of Endarkment.

I reflect in the irony that so many people are afraid of the dark-the literal as wee as the abstract-when it was the dark in which we all lived so peacefully for those nine or so months. It was the light that gave us the first traumatic scare of our lives. It was the glare and the harshness that caused us to first wish we had never been physically born; to wish we could retreat to whence we came; to go back to the Dark.

So we see that the body and the spirit have a natural affinity for the darkness. It is only through learned responses and the anti-dark prattle of others that we become fearful of the shadowy nether region (get your minds out of the furry bush). We are told that the dark provides safe harbor for the evil and nefarious, that the dark obscures the truth, and the dark is the last refuge of the weak of spirit. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In the Dark, things reveal themselves slowly, but once they are revealed, they are true and pure. It is only in the Light that there is a need for pretense and masquerade, for it is only in the Light that judgements are handed down based on surface rather than substance.

I move at ease in both worlds, when necessary. I understand that the Light and the Dark cannot exist without one another. I am in no way bashing the world of Enlightenment. I appreciate the role of the Light. They, the Light and the Dark, are family forever trapped in a relationship of polar opposites. Each must survive and strive for dominance. Each must exist to maintain the universal balance.

It’s just for my personal growth and physical and emotional nourishment I prefer the shadow lands. Why? Because the Dark is an incredibly sensual place. My sense of being has become focused. My senses of being have become sharpened. When I seek pleasure, I am rewarded with otherworldly ecstasy. Intense touches, intense aromas, intense sights and sounds. I have never known an odor so fragrant and full-bodied, or a taste so fulfilling, or a sight so beautiful. I have never known an orgasm so full of love and so full of life. I have discovered that the Dark, rather than serving to mask and deceive, does instead act as a filter. It forbids the invasion of the cluttered and confused. It intimidates the cowardly and short-sighted. it makes a barrier that the hypocrite and self-deceiver find hard to penetrate. The kindred spirits of Thoreau, Epicurus, and Dionsysus make it past. Diogenes shines his lantern approvingly here, in my Dark.

I do not shut out that which is mysterious and at first, incomprehensible, for it is there that new knowledge and discovery dwell. I have learned to look at everything that comes my way with an appreciative eye. And I do mean everything that comes my way. Good and bad, happy and sad, truth and deception, natural and unnatural, beautiful and ugly, peaceful and chaotic. All things are a part of the nocturnal balance that has come to be my chosen life.

I have always been, I am now, and I will always be, a daughter of the glorious Darkness, the Black Sun, Eternal Night, the Nether Regions, my beloved Home. Night is my Mother. And I, her faithful daughter, continues to find strength and solace within her embrace. My lover, my teacher, my immortal creator, opens her veins to me, and I drink. From her flows the blood of life. The blood of life washes my soul clean. I bathe in its sensuality and truth. I celebrate its wisdom and beauty.

Although my recollection of what came before is sometimes dim, my primordial energy most assuredly remembers the liquid darkness from whence it came. It recalls fondly the security and comfort that was found there, and it rejoices every moment of every breath that I breathe that I have found my way back into the fold. I look out from the Black Ether with bright eyes, and my senses revel in its erotic purity. The Midnight Sphere is my Home. Welcome to my Home.

~Julia DarkRose Ray


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