Excerpt: Darkness Clinging-Book One

Excerpt:
Darkness Clinging
Book One

By Julia-Anne Crow 2019

cronemay4Each spot of my honeyed body is a crucible of unseen torment, the tombstone of some perished kiss. Withal its beauty and its faultless grace, my body, my mind, my heart,  is a haunted place.

Clouded by tears, shredded by wind, ragged from their lies; ravaged by night, abandoned by day, those shadows within the gray; therein resides my house of flesh.

My mind has broken. My bone has cracked. My blood has clot. My heart has stopped. My flesh has rot.

I sleep the sleep of gray, where the gold and purple of living fall away. Here I lie beside the bustling of life, past pain or joy, desire or fear. I am the seeing, filled with life, dying of death. Shrouded in weeds, buried in sour soil. Silent I wait. There is no healing
where I decay. Nothing is sound. Everything an unheard scream. Silent, I wait. Waiting still, inside my house of flesh.

I must choose…sleep or madness. I go now to sleep that gray and soundless sleep. My shattered marrow becoming the silent nothing, the deafening darkness, the cold, oh so very cold emptiness. Warmed only by my pathetic native fire, that lean and flickering flame, lit upon my mortal hearth to comfort me in Autumn’s decay. For it may warm, if not the spirit or the heart, maybe, perhaps, at least my chilled bones yet awhile.

I ponder the thoughts of the dark dreaming. Are these not the words of some shadowed and cowardly devil flickering from within my living dust? Would it not be better to go mad and rave, to court the fair illusion of a greater fire? Or would it be more worthy of a life lived fully to let that gray and suffocating dust fill my lungs and bring my breaths to a crawl?

Coiled inside my empty belly, my serpent’s fiery tongue licks these cold, tired lips, and reveals this truth to me…

Death is death and even madness should soon play me false. Better to sleep, better to close the curtains tight against the treacherous laughter of the Light, and sleep with yet a little fire on the hearth. Then when the last torrid tongue flickers and is gone, the lucky sleeper knows it not.

I whisper inside my own ear, “Go now fair lady and sleep.”
My birth, my youth, my prime, my proud excess, my cosmic fall; it has become my mean prize of poverty and dull decline. My lean possessions now shrunk to fill a little box. All my senses, my delights, turned pale and leached of taste. All have ended, I am all that’s left to fill the silences between the ticks of time. I, my dearest, foolish self, becoming bloodless, reduced to a scentless draught that rusts my heart into a ticking clock.

So, now I sleep with the end, the Gray. Though blood and flesh not be shed, I have found the spire built from my haunted despair. My mirror of madness reflects only my dark perfection. For now and tomorrow and ever.

I am my own wolf sun, now colder than ice. No longer dancing in that musical moonlight. No longer graced with my human darkness clinging. That distant ruby-silver glow, fading from my sight, covering myself with dust, sleeping the sleep of the gray, forever cherished by the loyal and loving night.

Fuck. Really? I can’t even contemplate life’s inevitable regurgitating bullshit without analyzing it inside my head like some drunken, goth-like, poet. I mean, for fuck’s sake. Grow up buttercup.

~Julia-Anne Crow
Copyright 2019

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You keep using that word (safe). I don’t think it means what you think it means!

You keep using that word (safe)…

I don’t think it means what you think it means!

“How isn’t it safe? It’s safer than attending public school in America. It’s safer than unprotected sex. It’s safer than having an online relationship. It’s safer than eating USDA packaged meats. It’s safer than exposing the truth through your own life experiences and risking bullying on Social Media. Exactly how is it safer to not drink blood from human beings, who want to be vessels for me to drink their blood? With a simple slice through their flesh, both parties are happy. How is it not safe? I have never hurt anyone in the 30+ years I have been accepting their gift of life into my body.”
~Julia DarkRose Caples

This is my reply to a comment in a group that posted one of hundreds of media venues that exploited my life story…and show, graphically, how I slice into another human being’s flesh so that I may drink their flowing blood…this member of the group wrote this comment in response to the video in which I am showing the world how i have always accepted the precious gift of life that has always been offered to me…to me, not to the person writing this comment:
“But it isn’t safe way to drink blood…thank goodness we come far in that…”

Maybe that person has “come far in that,” but I started my life as this, whatever this is that I am… I started my life already knowing a truth. I started my life already ahead of the “game.” I started my life from a different perspective. I have never played by their, by your rules, especially by the rules created within societies of people who were not born like me.

Thank you, kindly, for your attention.
~Julia DarkRose Caples

Stop. Please.

Just Stop the Madness!

“Not every human creature upon our earth is beautiful, unique, and/or priceless. Please stop spreading the empty sentiments. Some people are priceless, unique, and beautiful. Many more, so it seems, are not. Lying to yourselves and the rest of the world is just laziness on your part. It’s easier (currently) to believe empty, unproven sentiment than it is to put the hard work into becoming unique, beautiful (in all its incarnations), priceless, and your own truest person.

Go ahead, I dare you to spread the actual truth instead of the accepted false verity that abounds. Oh my, how unpopular you will become. I should know!!! Lol. The hard truths are quite difficult (that’s an understatement) for Mankind to incorporate into their self-evolution or lack thereof.

Please, try harder, in all things. Life is pain. Period. Alas, it is also beyond amazing…if you choose to make it so and put in the effort to evolve.”
~Julia DarkRose Caples
Copyright 2018, “A Kaleidoscope of Butterflies”
**All Photographs were taken by Julia DarkRose Caples, and are copyrighted. Thank you.**

Go Boldly, Find and Understand Self-Worth

I am grateful to be able to have tangible reminders of where I came from, what I help create, and all the actual blood, sweat, and tears. The twists, curls, curves, rambles, and wandering within every step of my way.

I am also grateful to have the wisdom to know when it is time to embrace the new day. Time to transform and to take my blood, sweat and tears, boldly into a new world. The world that I am now able to see and find beauty and worth in, out, under, over, and through. Besutu and worth pulsating inside its every cell.

And that is that. It is what it is. Nature is fucking phenomena chaos and I will never waste it on NOT transcending, moving forward, and learning to embrace every stage that Life in all Her unknowable (at this time) intelligence hath created.

I look back, often, at what I created, what I help create, what I changed and what I help change, and remember the sparkling winding red river of life that I chose to drink from…now an empty riverbed. I do not mourn, or whine, or attack others because the brilliant crimson vein has dried up. No, I simply appreciate the sparkling winding red river that I choose to drink from now.

Here are some pics, not even a sliver of what I did and where I came from, representing that once dazzling ruby river…now a dried, cracked, unable to support life, empty bed filled with tourists.
~Julia DarkRose Caples

Fear or Fearless?

Fear or Fearless?

From “A Kaleidoscope of Butterflies…”

If you think you understand fear and courage within the human heart, spirit, and mind…until you face “it” and come out the other end and understand where you have been, only then can you determine the fear that exists in our world…borne from our own ignorance, for sure. Only then, will you be able determine the true breadth of that fear, and what you need to do with it.

Listening to “New Age” gurus and self-proclaimed “enlightened” leaders of this bullshit or that bullshit, will NOT help you understand the reality of fear. You can take all the drugs in the world, and think you have faced it, a fear, your fear…but until you are bare bones, stripped down to the only real you that actually exists, no hocus pocus, no blah, blah, blah, from Social Media groups and the like…just you… only then you can plumb those depths known to many sentient beings as…fear.

It is real and it exists, for whatever reasons you think, because we need it to exist.
I am going to have to disagree, partially, with those that disagree with me and use the “Nothing to fear but fear itself,” at me. I know that most are going to not agree with me. That’s cool. I only know the truth and the depths of my life. To understand a fear is a type of courage. To face a fear is another type of courage. For I had to face that fear. That is courage. I am also not ignorant of why some fear exists and its ability to help people make better choices.

Life is not either this or that. It is not black and white. Life exists in a kaleidoscope of colors and the layered ability and courage to understand “it.”

 

Being afraid to admit fear…is a weakness. It is not courage or bravery.
~Julia DarkRose Caples
Copyright 2018

Fear 1 Watermark

Wanderlust

An excerpt from the current chapter I am writing for my newest literary alchemy-

“A Kaleidoscope of Butterflies.”

Chapter ?
“wanderlust”
My wanderlust allowed me to break free, at the very young age of twelve years old, from living inside that bubble, that early dying instead of living, gilded cage. You know the one. The one that (most) parents and societal ignorance wanted to keep me tethered to, that forever home, looking out the windows provided to me for my “safety” but truly a trap, eventually, a prison of my own design.

So, with shoes on my feet, a shirt on my back and a mind ignorant of the badness that lived in the wide, wide, world, I tricked my prison guards, unlocked (stole the keys while eating dinner in the mess hall) that ridiculously tall door that surely weighed two-thousand pounds or more and made my great escape!

Into the bright but rainy day I slipped away from all that I had ever known and from a very real understanding of being safe and taken care of, just so I could help the world see (what I could so easily see….all the fucking time!) that our formatted lives from birth, are only a house of corrections, some decorated with the finest silk and plush carpets, and some bare bones and dilapidated, yet, still an impound, a confine, a garden to look at and sit down in, but don’t you dare touch it and/or kick up some dirt and roll around in it! And so, I slipped away out into the second taste of true freedom (I had to free my mind first!) I had ever known.

More important than the hows, whys, and wheres of my wanderlust, is, while I followed my heart and each transformation of my being to and fro, near and far, is what did I leave behind and what did I take with me, each and every time.

How did I change those whose path I wandered onto and how did they change me?

Everything we are ever taught is ultimately bullshit. Everything turns back into the soil from which we came. No one leaves this life differently than anyone else. We all die. We are gone. All that we chose to become has turned back into dust. What do we leave behind that actually matters? Is it great works of art? Is it your religion? Is it your beliefs? Is it your Social Media status? Is it a subculture? Is it a government? Is it power? Is it grand architecture? What is it that we really leave behind?

It is how did we love.

How do you love?
~Julia DarkRose Caples
Copyright 2018

Selflessness…Que?

Selflessness Meme 2018 Signed

Excerpt from “A Kaleidoscope of Butterflies”
Coming this October 2018

“Transcendence, like evolution, is an ongoing and gradual process throughout the cycle of life. Concerning the act of human selflessness, to offer help to others without tangible gain but instead the gain of feeling good about yourself and the act of help you have offered, is a natural part of our spiritual evolution.

Perhaps it might take someone an entire lifetime, or, perhaps it might never come to pass, but through our continued transcendence, we are able to offer, at least once, an act of true selflessness. Which is not in any way a guarantee that the payoff will be one of self-love, or any kind of happiness gained for ourselves from a selfless act. In fact, quite often, at least in my experience, pain and being reviled by the same people your selfless act has helped, is the outcome.

Only you, most likely, will ever know the sacrifice that might have been made so that your act of transcended selflessness could reach its target and create real positive change. Boasting about it or in some way, making sure others know about it, is, in itself, a sign that a spiritual evolutionary deed of selflessness has not yet occurred.

And that is why transcendence is an ongoing and gradual process. The first stages of human understanding and behavior must be lived before we can move onto the next stage and continue to transcend.”
~Julia DarkRose Caples
Copyright 2018

Living Courageously

You can apply this to almost any part of your life. You must do that which scares you, sometimes that which scares you the most. My entire life has been very, very, scary, on many different levels. It is so ingrained in me now that if I’m not facing hardship, disaster, horror, or cruelty from others, I think that something is wrong and I have to keep myself from trying to go and find trouble, LOL.

But this quote is the truth. You must, even if you get knocked down hard, do that in your life which scares you a little or even a lot. This you can absolutely trust me about. I am living proof of that which should have been dead and buried long ago, literally.

Have a wonderfully productive day…perhaps you will have a life changing day.

Living courageously is more than mere words in a Social Media post. You must actually know how to live…well. You must reach down deep inside and discover your courage.

~Julia DarkRose Caples

write courageously

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